Issue 11

The Normal School

 · Poetry

(Lesson Plans from 1915, Pennsylvania)

Lesson Plan: So, unless the man was willing to take a whole ox-worth of fishhooks,
he must have something else besides cattle for money; that is, he must
give something else in exchange for the half dozen fishhooks which he wanted.
(Learning Outcome: This is male prostitution.)

Lesson Plan: Most mothers like children to have company, 
but the children must realize a mother has housekeeping problems.
(Learning Outcome: This is in-the-closet lesbianism.)

Lesson Plan: If a man owning a goat wanted a tent, he sold a couple of them for twenty
pieces of iron and bought his tent for fifteen pieces. What might he do in the tent?
(Learning Outcome: Get a blowjob and pay for it with the profit of five pieces of iron.)

Lesson Plan: In 1868 two Swedish cabinetmakers came from Sweden to Philadelphia 
and started a business. Mr. Brown and Mr. White sold Mrs. Howe a cabinet.
What does Mrs. Howe keep in her cabinet and why?
(Learning Outcome: Mrs. Howe keeps a lemon and vinegar solution in her cabinet. 
It is most likely used to clean her underarms.)

Lesson Plan: “How many logs does it take to build a dam?” asked Fred.
“Ah! That depends on the size of the dam,” said Aunt Kate.
(Learning Outcome: Fred and Kate are not talking about logs and dams. 
This is a metaphor for incest.)

Lesson Plan: Just then a hawk came flying over the pond. 
“Stop, Stop!” said the frog. “Let me go. It’s the mouse you want.”
“I flew down for the mouse, it is true,” said the hawk,
“but I like frog much better, so I shall eat you first.”
(Learning Outcome: Men are like hawks; they want to eat you.)

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